“The secret of success is not what they taught you in school. What matters most is not academic excellence, not a business school degree, not even technical know-how or years of experience. What distinguishes star performers from the mediocre is emotional intelligence.” [3]

Shen’s note: we live in a human society; therefore, understanding and managing people is one of the most important skills. 

Definition:  “Emotional intelligence refers to the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for
managing emotions well in ourselves and our relationships.” Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence, 1998

Structure of Emotional Intelligence: [ref]

• Self-Awareness
  • Emotional self-awareness
  • Accurate self-assessment “Knowing one’s strengths and weaknesses = strength” [2]
  • Self-confidence “Confidence determines choices, effort, perseverance, and resilience” [2] 

Shen’s note: in my view, accurate self-assessment is one of the most important skills and it is not easy to acquire. Knowing what I am capable of and not capable of allows someone to manage his/her life with ease. “Knowing one’s strengths and weaknesses = strength”

• Self-Management
  • Emotional self-control (Shen’s note: emotional self-control allows one to make rational choices instead of emotional reactions)
  • Transparency: maintaining integrity; acting congruently with one’s values (Shen’s note: reliable people win respect, and make more reliable friends)
  • Adaptability (Shen’s note: having an open mind and be prepared to change is extremely important for today’s fast-paced society)
  • Achievement orientation (Shen’s note: stay hungry, stay driven.)
  • Initiative
  • Optimism (Shen’s note: optimism allows one to be happy and be healthy)

Shen’s note: all these characters seem important, but emotional self-control and optimism may stand out a bit more.

• Social Awareness
  • Empathy: sensing others’ feelings and perspectives, and taking an active interest in their concerns (Shen’s note: when people know you care about them, they care about you)
  • Organizational awareness: reading a group’s emotional currents and power relationships
  • Service orientation: anticipating, recognizing, and meeting customers’ or clients’ needs (Shen’s note: understand and meeting people’s need is such an important skill)

• Relationship Management
  • Developing others: sensing other’s development needs and bolstering their abilities
  • Inspirational leadership:
  • Change catalyst:
  • Influence
  • Conflict management
  • Teamwork and collaboration

Shen’s note: developing others seems to be one of the most fundamental factor to manage relationship. 

References:

Effective Communication: Motivation, Impact and Being Heard http://coes.latech.edu/assets/owise/effectivecommunication_motivation_grad.pdf (accessed 27/10/2013)

Succeeding with Emotional Intelligence, Ben Dattner, http://www.dattnerconsulting.com/presentations/ei.pdf (accessed 27/10/2013)

Working with Emotional Intelligence (Executive Book Summaries) https://www.cu.edu/articles/upload/ExecWorkingEI.pdf (accessed 27/10/2013)